Can We Get Aaron Gray Tested For Performance Enhancing Drugs?

Ladies, Gentlemen and Raptors fans alike,

We are all witnesses, amongst all this Rudy Gay hoopla something incredible is happening. The modern caveman has emerged club in hand and is laying waste to frontcourts all over the NBA. People, Aaron Gray is averaging acceptable numbers and I call shenanigans.

There is no beating around the bush here. There is no conceivable way Aaron Gray can put up these numbers without something to put him over the edge.  What is it? Steroids? Horse adrenaline? Testosterone? The Tears of his enemies?  Because I refuse to believe that Aaron Gray became an actual basketball player without something illegal to put him over the edge. Let’s take a look at his recent numbers increase.


3.7 PTS, 3.9 RBS, 0.7 AST, 0.3 STL, 0.3 BLK, 0.9 TO

Now these seem realistic for anyone who has watched a Toronto game in the past couple of years. He looks slow, incapable of scoring many baskets and most importantly lost while playing defense. When you throw Aaron Gray out on the court you don’t expect much from him. As a matter of fact your happy is nothing terrible happens to your lead while Aaron’s on the court. But something incredible has happened…

Past 7 Days:

12.3 PTS, 11.0 RBS, 2.0 AST, 0.7 STL, 0.3 BLK, 1.0 TO


Aaron hungry!

WHAT KIND OF SORCERY IS THIS?! There is not way that this man is not doping. How the hell does he put up numbers like this so instantaneously. There is no possibly way that Lurch from the Adam’s Family has somehow gone into the phone booth and come out  a Omer Asikesque hurricane of Centerdom. Has this been the plan all along?  Has Bryan Colangelo somehow convinced a human double-double machine to play possum for his entire career so as to unleash him on an unsuspecting league at the last possible moment? Are we witnessing the rise of the next Moses Malone? Are 20 and 15 numbers next? Who can stop this man?  Dwight Howard hasn’t really injured his labrum, he’s just terrified to witness the unleashing of Aaron Grey. Ladies and gentleman Aaron Gray is about to drop a thunderous Hulk Hoganesque leg drop on an unsuspecting league filled with the fury of a thousand suns! How can we as a people be concerned about Adrian Peterson and Ray Lewis using PED’s when this physical Adonis is amongst the giants of the NBA laying waste? Just when the NBA take the true center out of the All-Star game Aaron Gray starts taking what is CLEARLY performance enhancing drugs and is out to prove he’s the last of the Mohicans.

Now i know there are some out there who may attribute this increase in numbers to his minutes increasing from 14 minutes on his career to 30 minutes per game but to those people I say,  ” ARE YOU STONED?!” Have you seen this guy?

We havent seen such raw unadulterated power since the days of Shaquille O’Neal and I hope the league is ready… and terrified

Alex and Mikie


3 responses to “Can We Get Aaron Gray Tested For Performance Enhancing Drugs?

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