My friends are putting out their Super Bowl predictions, so here’s mine:
The 49ers win. I don’t notice. I’m too drunk. A man approaches me and suggest strippers and blow. I say let’s get out of here. He takes me to a brothel. Night has picked up. I get kicked out of the brothel because I’ve branded one of the strippers like N.P.H. did in Harold & Kumar. Her pimp cases me down with a shotgun. I then head to the strip-club. They play my song. I start dancing on stage, the strippers love this. The bouncers try to kick me out, but I’m saved by Mercedes and her band of kind, loving strippers. Mercedes tells me she wants out of this life. I say meet me in front of Parliament. I don’t meet her, I go to Mexico instead. I don’t trust strippers. I go to see a donkey show. Innocence is robbed. I get into a fight with the donkey owner. We get into a Mexican stand-off…IN MEXICO. I get knocked out. I wake up in jail. I break out of jail that night. Head back to Canada. I pass out from exhaustion and lack of beer. Wake up in a ditch off the highway. Naked. A cabbie drives me home.
That, my friends, is a Super Bowl prediction.